Frame from which I am writing:
I have recently found it necessary to ask the Father for more grace to handle the present circumstances. Except, it is backward from the normal. My life is so good and keeps getting better at such an exponential rate that I am finding it hard to adapt quickly enough.
"My soul is all but out of me"
-Edna St.Vincent Millay
Post:
Others have recently given me many deep compliments; intentional and unintentional ones. The unintentional compliments, statements about who I am, come through their words and actions that demonstrate fairly obviously that they believe in me, trust me, appreciate me, enjoy me, respect me, want to know what I think, and in other ways compliment me.
And I have been growing. I don't know why but Christ has recently gifted me with spiritual light in abundance. But more than that is the joy. Everything holds radiance. My quiet times are full, even if I don't try to come to the Father.
Every square inch of my life is exploding into goodness and Light. Romance. School. Small guys group. Ability to rest. and think. I picked up a hitch-hiker and
What did I pray? What command did I obey? What prayer was prayed over me? What am I being taught? Who has given me this gift and why me?
_________
And all this comes with a built-in pessimism; a belief that if it really is this good, and it probably isn't, then it most definitely will not last.
_________
1.
But God.
Oh! Oh! Oh! A thousand times louder, Oh!
Because God, more specifically because He is good and infinite, there is
no.
limit.
to goodness.
_____
2,
Evil is not an essential part of our being.
-GRM (George Macdonald)
Which means that we do not have to trade one vice for a better looking or lesser one but we can actually become closer and closer to His image. The best part is that we may start now. It might be that we must start now but I don't want to judge millions.
-may He grant light or darkness where I have been to lazy to lay it out clearly or where I have lied, respectively.
P.S.
and also, however seriously I take this odd thing called life, I have no reason to take myself all that seriously. It's all Him and His anyway.
My sin still runs deep. The very temptation of taking myself too seriously is evidence of a deep-seated pride. Why should I take myself seriously if there I am merely a mirror of His glory? The better a mirror is, the less you notice it.
Father,
Clean my eyes and face.
I beg of you.
-A slave to sin aspiring to be a slave to You.
Sunday, January 4, 2015
Wednesday, April 10, 2013
Sunday, September 16, 2012
Time
thoughts on time
When the previous post was written, the current 'now' was merely speculation with millions of possibilites. But the current now is locked in and will shortly be set in the past, as is all the time between here and back there.
What are the relationships between anticipation, experience, and memory?
At one time you are looking forward to something, at another you are living it, and at another it is only a memory. Events seem to be a lot like mile-markers on the highway. We see them, we are going past them, then they are behind us and only accessible by looking back.
I'm at FB. At one time I was tentatively planning on coming here. Now I am here. And I can confidently predict, based on past experience,(haha) that in a seemingly short time, this two year period will only be a memory.
But there is something deeper in this three-way relation that is almost noticeable. I'll pull on it a while and see if anything gives.
It's like we live an event three times.
The experience of the future is completely subject to imagination.
The experience of the present is subject to the ability to notice.
The experience of the past is completely subject to memory.
And yet, in a way, they are all the same. An exciting, fun event has positive connections from all three angles. A dreadful one has dark connections from all angels.
Ah, here is an anomalie. An event that is dreaded and barely endured can be looked back on with joy.
Likewise, an event anticipated and enjoyed can be looked back on with remorse.
That thing I was trying to pull out is still stuck. And now I have these thoughts organized around it which will distract and take energy from the thing itself. So, I will probably never dislodge it.
Maybe in the future.
When the previous post was written, the current 'now' was merely speculation with millions of possibilites. But the current now is locked in and will shortly be set in the past, as is all the time between here and back there.
What are the relationships between anticipation, experience, and memory?
At one time you are looking forward to something, at another you are living it, and at another it is only a memory. Events seem to be a lot like mile-markers on the highway. We see them, we are going past them, then they are behind us and only accessible by looking back.
I'm at FB. At one time I was tentatively planning on coming here. Now I am here. And I can confidently predict, based on past experience,(haha) that in a seemingly short time, this two year period will only be a memory.
But there is something deeper in this three-way relation that is almost noticeable. I'll pull on it a while and see if anything gives.
It's like we live an event three times.
The experience of the future is completely subject to imagination.
The experience of the present is subject to the ability to notice.
The experience of the past is completely subject to memory.
And yet, in a way, they are all the same. An exciting, fun event has positive connections from all three angles. A dreadful one has dark connections from all angels.
Ah, here is an anomalie. An event that is dreaded and barely endured can be looked back on with joy.
Likewise, an event anticipated and enjoyed can be looked back on with remorse.
That thing I was trying to pull out is still stuck. And now I have these thoughts organized around it which will distract and take energy from the thing itself. So, I will probably never dislodge it.
Maybe in the future.
Monday, March 5, 2012
Thursday, November 24, 2011
Saturday, October 22, 2011
On Discussion
The Discussion on Discussions.
My brother and i had a discussion.
Definition of discussion: the action or process of talking about something, typically in order to reach a decision or to exchange ideas.
I'll usually be referring to discussions on heady things, like the method of sanctification, and rebel things, like why we have standards.
It is usually a dance of trying to sound smart and not actually say anything that would force change in either yourself or your listeners. (this is not cool)
I'm realizing there are about as many aspects to a discussion as to people. (they do happen to be related)
Many have realized, during a discussion, that they have been there before. And like a dreadful deja-vu, they know the exact non-place it will end. Discussion tends to not leave us in a sort of 'meh' place. It becomes a methodical detached presenting and dissecting of ideas on a certain subject. And hardly ever is there a specific ending point. I'm writing to say that it doesn't have to be like that.
The loss of discussion would be a great tragedy. Revolutions have started and things have changed, for the better, i might add, because of discussion.
I see two ways to make discussions non-dreadful.
1) Make it real
2) Make it a game
Maybe the root problem causing unfulfilling discussion is trying to mix these two. We say things that we truly mean but are blown off by something fun. Or we steer around hard or uncomfortably true things because we aren't really being serious.
#1) Make it intentionally real. Verbally decide that 'we are now searching for truth'. Don't be afraid of everybody being quiet and thinking. Don't interrupt others. Listen both to what you think they mean and to how it sounds. Try to find clarity if something was said clumsily. Make sure you understand and were understood. This almost requires one to think about the conversation from a slightly detached perspective. We need to be more vulnerable. How can we refine our beliefs if we are not willing to be wrong? We need to be honest enough to be wrong, humble enough to change, and confident enough to be fine with having settled on what we believe.
I'm intentionally not defining truth.
I would imagine that discussion in purely this form would be dangerous. It makes one vulnerable, other people are showcased rawly, beliefs are changed, people could be united (which is bad if they are wrong or violent), and several other things i can't think of right now. But this danger is merely potential. And, if the participants perceive their environment to be upbuilding(or in communion with their better natures), i'll assume this potential would lean toward the good.
#2) Make it a literal game. Debate. Use any cheatery you want to. Try to dominate conversation, slam your opponent personally, misquote him, shift the subject if you are losing, and all other manner of unethical techniques. If everyone intentionally participates, i'm sure it will be alright. This is better if it is about something stupid like Chevy v. Ford. The loser is the one that is backed into a corner and has nothing to say.
Don't feel obliged to appreciate the number of imperative sentences in this post. And please dont dissect the english. I'm a teacher during the week and it is a weekend.
My brother and i had a discussion.
Definition of discussion: the action or process of talking about something, typically in order to reach a decision or to exchange ideas.
I'll usually be referring to discussions on heady things, like the method of sanctification, and rebel things, like why we have standards.
It is usually a dance of trying to sound smart and not actually say anything that would force change in either yourself or your listeners. (this is not cool)
I'm realizing there are about as many aspects to a discussion as to people. (they do happen to be related)
Many have realized, during a discussion, that they have been there before. And like a dreadful deja-vu, they know the exact non-place it will end. Discussion tends to not leave us in a sort of 'meh' place. It becomes a methodical detached presenting and dissecting of ideas on a certain subject. And hardly ever is there a specific ending point. I'm writing to say that it doesn't have to be like that.
The loss of discussion would be a great tragedy. Revolutions have started and things have changed, for the better, i might add, because of discussion.
I see two ways to make discussions non-dreadful.
1) Make it real
2) Make it a game
Maybe the root problem causing unfulfilling discussion is trying to mix these two. We say things that we truly mean but are blown off by something fun. Or we steer around hard or uncomfortably true things because we aren't really being serious.
#1) Make it intentionally real. Verbally decide that 'we are now searching for truth'. Don't be afraid of everybody being quiet and thinking. Don't interrupt others. Listen both to what you think they mean and to how it sounds. Try to find clarity if something was said clumsily. Make sure you understand and were understood. This almost requires one to think about the conversation from a slightly detached perspective. We need to be more vulnerable. How can we refine our beliefs if we are not willing to be wrong? We need to be honest enough to be wrong, humble enough to change, and confident enough to be fine with having settled on what we believe.
I'm intentionally not defining truth.
I would imagine that discussion in purely this form would be dangerous. It makes one vulnerable, other people are showcased rawly, beliefs are changed, people could be united (which is bad if they are wrong or violent), and several other things i can't think of right now. But this danger is merely potential. And, if the participants perceive their environment to be upbuilding(or in communion with their better natures), i'll assume this potential would lean toward the good.
#2) Make it a literal game. Debate. Use any cheatery you want to. Try to dominate conversation, slam your opponent personally, misquote him, shift the subject if you are losing, and all other manner of unethical techniques. If everyone intentionally participates, i'm sure it will be alright. This is better if it is about something stupid like Chevy v. Ford. The loser is the one that is backed into a corner and has nothing to say.
Don't feel obliged to appreciate the number of imperative sentences in this post. And please dont dissect the english. I'm a teacher during the week and it is a weekend.
Friday, September 2, 2011
Another Blog Beginnning
and that doesn't mean a new one. It means that this one is beginning again. Third time. :) yea, i don't suggest subscribing.
I guess my excuse for writing would be to give myself practice in both writing and in taking a thought from my head and putting in a form that other people can get it in their heads also. Come to think of it, expecting other people to put your thought into their head is pretty arrogant. So, if you read, and comprehend, my apologies and Thank You.
oh, i should mention. I'm pretty free with my interpretation of the capitalization rules. It's part of my method of expression.
Ok, most of the people who read this have probably written a blog or two. So you should be able to identify with me when i say "the event or thought that jostled a post out of me"
This post's 'event' had to do with the health care system and our country's overabundance of safety precautions.
Maybe one of you can enlighten me after i tell you my part.
Maybe one of you can enlighten me after i tell you my part.
So i was merrily on my way to an orthopedic appointment when i remembered to check my voicemail. My appointment, the one i was going to, was moved, two weeks deeper into the cosmos.
Well, i had driven most of the way there already, so i finished the drive to longingly look at the building i was supposed to be examined in. And on the other side of the building, I happen to notice, was a physiotherapy place. Well, i thought to myself, maybe they can fix me up with some sound advice and knee strengthening exercises(for it is my knee that is busted). Better that than old wives fables and the internet.
Turns out, they, by law, cannot do anything without a 'script', or diagnosis, from a doctor. (lemme rephrase that a couple times)
By law, highly trained individuals couldn't do a thing without consent, expensive consent i might add, from another highly trained individual. //
I cannot do something potentially self harming (getting treatment from an experienced person without a diagnosis from an equally experienced person who just happens to have a different job description) because of a law, even if i want to. I want enough freedom to hurt myself, i believe that is my right! Give me freedom AND give me death//
The physical therapist's hands are tied from trying to help, although he would probably do a very good job.// and finally,
this health care system (and nation and this culture's mindset) is over-specialized.
the end
peace to all,
wish me luck in keeping this blog refreshed
(note to government terrorist screener. i'm actually non-resistant, so go look over there)
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